Think about the last time you disagreed with someone you love. One person wanted one thing, the other wanted something different, and eventually, you reached a compromise. Each person gave up a little to keep the peace and move forward, but both had to let go of something they wanted. Compromise often begins with two people wanting different things, with the goal of finding a middle ground. On the surface, this sounds fair. Yet when both people must give something up, the res

Que Sera, Sera In 1956, Doris Day sang Que Sera, Sera, Whatever Will Be, Will Be. The song asks questions about the future. What will I be? What will life bring? What will happen when I grow up? And eventually, the answer remains simple: Que sera, sera - Whatever will be, will be. Psychologically, we humans can anticipate possibilities, prepare for problems, rehearse conversations, analyze decisions and picture what might happen years from now. Those abilities have helped u

Slow Down… Your Joy Depends on It We have become remarkably good at speeding life up. Information arrives instantly. Any type of food arrives at our door. Movies begin whenever we want them. Answers are available before we’ve even finished asking the question. And somewhere along the way, we expect life to work the same way. We want relationships to develop quickly, problems to resolve quickly, healing to happen quickly, and uncertainty to disappear quickly. But people don’t

While going to elementary school in Norway, there were these two boys in my class—twins—who seemed to be nothing but mean, cruel, and hurtful. I remember being made fun of because I was wearing a new pair of white Nike shoes. Another time, I was repeatedly called a nerd because of my good grades in math. And then there was the time I was ripped to shreds after winning the school tetherball tournament. It was an emotional tournament because of the obstacles I faced on the way

In the 1994 movie The Shawshank Redemption, Andy Dufresne tells Red about his dream of living in Zihuatanejo, Mexico. He imagines a simple life with an old boat, making a modest living and enjoying the freedom he dreamt of. In 2004, Tim McGraw reminded everyone to “Live Like You Were Dying.” His song tells the story of a man with limited time who decides to experience life by skydiving, mountain climbing, and even riding a bull. Both stories speak to something deeper than adv

IN 1968, Apollo 8 was rocketing towards the moon. As the spacecraft prepared to disappear behind the dark side, radio contact with Earth was about to be lost. The exchange between Houston and the astronauts was simple: Houston: One minute to Loss of Signal and all systems are a go. Safe journey guys. Apollo 8: See you on the other side. There is something remarkably familiar about that exchange for parents. At some point, the sweet, innocent, funny, talented, wonderful ch

Amor fati is Latin for “love of fate.” After a tough situation has occurred, Amor Fati goes beyond acceptance, and to meaning, lesson, and growth. As you notice, this phrase is old and has a different meaning from of how fate is often used today. So, let’s dive deeper. We can not change… Heartbreak, Disappointment, Rejection, or Failure. We can not have an item after it has been sold out. We can not love someone who does not want to be loved. And we can not wish away a mi

Observing feelings means becoming very good at observing emotions, as well as developing the skill to explain anger, anxiety, or sadness. Observing means knowing the story, understanding the psychology, and connecting all the dots. Observing feelings means having the ability to notice, label, analyze, or describe emotions without fully experiencing them. Feeling feelings means allowing your body and nervous system to fully experience an emotion without immediately escaping,

Confidence is believing in your ability to grow, learn, and get back up when you fall. It doesn’t always arrive loudly. Sometimes, it starts as a small voice that says, “Try again.” But that small voice can change everything. Confidence shifts the goal from being perfect to being persistent. It teaches us to move through hesitation instead of waiting for it to disappear. It reminds us that growth rarely happens inside our comfort zone. Because outside the comfort zone is wher

It’s the beginning of August, and with it comes a season of change. For many, that means starting middle school, beginning high school, or heading off to college, and every new season asks something of us. A mentor once told me that the price of change is discomfort. And for many of us, discomfort is often accompanied by fear. That fear can be loud, convincing us to doubt ourselves, question our abilities, or cling to what is familiar. But fear doesn't have to have the final

Have you blamed yourself for someone's addiction, depression, anger, destructive behavior, or tried to love enough to create change. Have you had sleepless nights and tormented days. Learn The Three C's: I didn't cause it I can't control it. I can't cure it. "I Didn't Cause It." Parents worry if they have failed. Spouses question if they loved enough. Children assume they are bad if Mom or Dad is angry, sad, or unavailable. But another person's addiction, depression, anger, o

A toy asks for participation not compliance. A toy teaches Assertiveness not passiveness “Toys rule, screens drool.” With a toy, a child becomes the creator, the story teller, the problem solver, the rule negator. Through playing with a toy, imagination, risk taking and comfort zone grows. Toys rule With a screen, the work is done, the characters are created, stories are written, details designed, and entertainment delivered. Screens drool. This doesn’t mean all screens are

Learning to communicate stories that include emotions will lead to better understanding and stronger relationships. When the feelings are shared, we become easier to know, support, and connect with. Stay away from “Good”, when asked,“How was the trip?”. Say, I was exhausted because my flight had three stops on the way back from the west coast. During that time, I became overwhelmed with solving a fight between my friends Bob and John, proud of my idea for the company that sa

It’s a LIE! Multitasking is a scam and not to be admired. It is not a fantastic skill, a sign of productivity, or efficiency. Multitasking is Lie, so please don’t bragged about in job interviews or wear it around as a badge of honor. Multitasking is an illusion, because the brain can only do one thing at a time. Multitasking is just rapid task-switching. The focus bounces back and forth between activities so quickly that it feels like we’re doing them simultaneously. For exa

YOUR STUCK... when the same story is told over and over again, the same complaint, the same frustration. EMOTIONALLY: When the same story is repeated countless times, the mind is wrestling with something that feels unresolved… YOUR STUCK. The repetition occurs because no conclusion has felt emotionally satisfying. PHYSICALLY: When the nervous system remains activated long after the event has ended it keeps the body tense, alert, and emotionally charged. It could give the min

For many people who grew up in stable homes, a mantra was planted early. Then it was communicated through encouragement, protection, affection, and consistency. Without realizing it, the lesson was “I am of Value”. For those who survived difficult or traumatic childhoods, however, the opposite message took root. Painful experiences convince children that they are not important, not worthy, or not enough. As adults, those struggles often continue. They may feel invisible, cons

In the series 1923, Teonna, a Native American student at a church-run boarding school, fights back against an abusive Sister Mary, and both are brought before the strict Father Renaud. Father Renaud first turned his attention to the nun and orders Sister Mary to recite a prayer she knows very well. While she is reciting the prayer, he is both verbally and physically threatened, which causes Sister Mary to be overwhelmed, scared, and not able to think clearly. Father Renaud r

These three words have been repeated across centuries, written in sacred texts, spoken on every terrain, and shared in both war and peace. Humanity has needed to be reminded infinite times, and continues now. Do not fear is actually a feeling disguised as logic. It is ancient, protective, and powerful. Like honey pouring into our ear, this feeling tells us to withdraw, assume, and accept the status quo. Every major spiritual institution understood that “do not fear” shrinks p

Recently a young man “talked out” a fantastic story. After a long time of being anxious, there was a break through. The young man who feared change and was riddled with negative self talk, decided to climb a mountain in order to set a personal record. It was in the kitchen, at breakfast time, and he was all alone. The young man’s belly was empty, small frozen package were on his mind, and on THIS day he made it happen. His brain was flooded with a childhood mantra, “I think

This weeks TECHNIQUE is to Calibrate life, not just be present in it. CALIBRATING life is so much better than just “being present” in it, because being present is an incomplete mantra that has been heavily suggested in recent years. I admit, “being present” sounds wonderful and peaceful, but it is simplistic and incomplete. Learning and growing occurs by understanding the past and changing the future. That is the technique called Calibration. In the book, Chatter, Ethan Kross