The Journey Through the Dark Side of the Moon - When teens pull away

IN 1968, Apollo 8 was rocketing towards the moon.  As the spacecraft prepared to disappear behind the dark side, radio contact with Earth was about to be lost. The exchange between Houston and the astronauts was simple:

Houston:  One minute to Loss of Signal and all systems are a go.  Safe journey guys.

Apollo 8:  See you on the other side.

There is something remarkably familiar about that exchange for parents. At some point, the sweet, innocent, funny, talented, wonderful child you have known for years begins becoming their own person.  They develop their own friends, interests, opinions, routines, boundaries, and vision for their life.

The psychological process is called individuation. It is the gradual development of a separate identity—the process of becoming a person who knows who they are apart from their parents.

The Timeline 

By age 11, Friends are increasingly important and a need for  wanting more privacy and independence grows.  

Houston: 7 years to Loss of Signal

At age 13, Early adolescence begins. The drifter may question parents more and develop stronger personal preferences. Friends, school, hobbies, and personal interests become more important.  Confusing statements like “can I go hang out with my friends?” become more common.

Houston: 5 years until Loss of signal

Around age 15, Identity development accelerates.  They experiment with opinions, appearance, friendships, and boundaries.  The social world becomes their primary world. Parents start to know less and less about their daily experiences.  Shocking statements like, “I got it. You don’t have to help me.” are blurted out.

Houston: 3 years until Loss of signal

When the sweet angel becomes 16, independence increases. Driving, dating, activities, jobs, sports, and friendships dramatically expand their world.  They increasingly make decisions for themselves, and with that independence comes “I’m going out. I’ll be back later.”

Houston: 2 years until Loss of signal

At 17, The physical separation begins to feel real. Applications, graduation, dorms, roommates, finances, and moving become real.  And then comes, “I’m going to this college.”

Houston: 1 year until Loss of signal. The dark side is fast approaching but all systems are a go

Then by 18,  College, work, travel, or another major transition happen.  The home is left and the new adult manages their own life.  “See you later.”

Houston: Safe journey and see you on the other side

It’s not the End

Apollo 8 traveled at a speed of 3,600 mph and spent 45 minutes completely out of radio contact with Earth as they passed the dark side of the Moon.  And when the connection was re established, Houston simply said: “Apollo 8, good to hear your voice.”

Whatever time it takes for your child to make their way around the dark side of the moon a connection can be reestablished.  Trust in the lessons that have been taught, values that were modeled, and the relationship that was built.

During the “Loss of signal” around the dark side of the moon,  leave the lights on, love them a lot, keep the relationship safe, and give them plenty of room to come home.

Just like in 1968, it is both a relief and joy when the signal crackles back to life.  On the other side of the moon, there will be calls, texts, stories, and dinners.  Then come visits, vacations, and celebrations.  After going around the dark side of the moon, a whole new relationship is waiting to flourish. 

Good luck on the journey, hang on during turbulence, and enjoy the time when you are able to say…

“Good to hear your voice, tell me about your journey”