Why You Can’t Think Clearly When Someone Is Yelling At You

In the series 1923, Teonna, a Native American student at a church-run boarding school, fights back against an abusive Sister Mary, and both are brought before the strict Father Renaud. Father Renaud first turned his attention to the nun and orders Sister Mary to recite a prayer she knows very well.  While she is reciting the prayer, he is both verbally and physically threatened, which causes Sister Mary to be overwhelmed, scared, and not able to think clearly. Father Renaud restlessly intimidates Sister Mary before doing the same to Teonna.  

So, What Happens Inside the Brain?

When someone is yelling, the brain temporarily stops prioritizing thinking and focuses on surviving. The shifts from reasoning to protection happens because the brain is wired to respond to emotional danger much like it responds to physical danger. A raised voice, angry facial expression, criticism, or humiliation triggers the body with a simple message:

"Time to survive."

The Memory Problem

Many clients tell me about their worry of having short-term memory problems. In reality, the memory is just fine, but the problems stem from the brain being in survival mode. It spend’s it’s time scanning for threats rather than processing facts. As a result, conversations can become blurry and information may be missed.

…And When It Happens Repeatedly

The brain learns quickly from intense yelling experiences, so the nervous system begins preparing before anything starts, and the whole body learns to be on high alert. Common factors for surviving include carefully reading people’s moods, face, volume, and actual words.

Behaviorally, it results in walking on eggshells, over apologizing, avoiding conflict, and becoming anxious around raised voices. Even when the yelling is directed elsewhere.

The Take Away:

When being yelled at and people's mind goes blank, because the brain switches to survival mode for protection. The ability to think clearly has not disappeared… just temporarily paused to focus on safety and security. 

The technique is to understand, acknowledge, and differentiate the two ways the brain operates.