“Good” & “Fine” are not feelings, they are CONCLUSIONS.

Learning to communicate stories that include emotions will lead to better understanding and stronger relationships. When the feelings are shared, we become easier to know, support, and connect with. 

Stay away from “Good”, when asked,“How was the trip?”. Say, I was exhausted because my flight had three stops on the way back from the west coast. During that time, I became overwhelmed with solving a fight between my friends Bob and John, proud of my idea for the company that saved this year’s bonuses, and angry when a flight attendant accidentally sprayed a full can of Coke all over my favorite suit.  

Definitely avoid saying “Fine” when asked, “What was the date like”? Instead say, I was really frustrated with my friend for setting me up for this horrible date. The food was awful, there was no spark, and our conversations were so boring. Even though I am very relieved this evening is over, I am sad that I continue to struggle to find someone whom I connect with and can spend my life with.

The TECHNIQUE is to replace “good” & “fine” with stories that include facts and feelings. Think about your day or week, choose a specific situation, include an emotion or two, and describe it the best way you can.

The take away

People respond to emotions. They support emotions. They understand emotions. So, the more specific we are when sharing our life’s journey, the less lonely we feel. Answering “good” or “fine” is not enough.