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Advocate or Adversary?

Updated: Aug 26, 2020

On wedding days, most people announce to each other and make the promise, “…for better, for worse, in sickness and in health, in joys and in sorrows”. These words can be easily said, but when the time comes, are you in a relationship where you and your spouse are advocates or adversaries? To figure this out let’s explore an example of what this really means. 


An advocate is someone who are for you, defends you, and works for your best interest. If a couple are advocates, they plead the cause “for” each other. An adversary is someone who fights you, deceives you, and works for their own interest. If a couple is adversaries, they press the case “against” each other. In other words, advocates and adversaries can live through the same situation but come from the complete opposite direction. Advocates are for each other and keep their wedding vows, while adversaries are against each other and break their wedding vows. 


Kendra grew up with parents, who were very judgmental and quick to make derogatory comments, about her appearance, choices, and life style. Kendra remembered feeling a sense of freedom the day she moved out of the house, and swore never to move back in. So far she has kept that promise, but still she feels the obligation to visit on holidays and special occasions. Now married with young kids, Kendra begins to feel anxious weeks before each visit, causing her to be short tempered, moody, and isolated. The fear grows with each day that nears, and so does her change in mood, as well of course, as her interactions with her family.